All Of A Sudden (A Journal Entry - Taking Care of MOM)

All of A Sudden

My arena is changing, as is all life. But I just noticed that mine changed enough to seem like it changed all of a sudden.

 You know that place where “all of a sudden” just happens?

 Like all of a sudden you will need a haircut, your jeans are too tight, or you notice wrinkles on your face, that your bank account is empty, and you are getting old. You know it is coming, but you don’t notice until the effect has accumulated enough to get your attention.

 This just happened to me. I went home to visit my family and some close friends. After 14 months of island living, I reluctantly boarded a plane for LAX. I was about to enter a world familiar and yet alien all at once. I wasn’t on the plane for more than an hour that I started sneezing. I landed sneezing, red nose and stony eyes. Exhausted from getting ready to make the journey, now 10 PM, I mounted into a shared van and braved the freeways to my Mom’s house in Costa Mesa, CA.

 My Mom greeted me from her apartment, her pink door wide open in a senior housing unit within a very short walk of a large park, a library, fire station, The Coffee Bean, Sav On Drugs, FedEx Kinkos, a stellar yoga studio, 24 Hour Fitness, AT&T phone store, UPS Mail Store, Mothers Market, Trader Joes, Edwards Cinema Complex, the bus stop, Bev Mo Liquors, plus shoe stores, used clothing stores, baby furniture and so much more. In other words, it was nothing like the island living I was used to.

 I made a bed on her couch with a Kleenex box close beside me. The fan is on to help drown out the TV playing in her small bedroom room next to me. The patio door in the living area where I was sleeping has a stick in it to keep us safe from potential intruders, and the night-light is on in the kitchen three feet from my head. The bathroom is twelve feet away with a night-light too. This radically different than the natural setting I lived in.

There is something cute and quaint on every counter, table and wall. There are family photos everywhere along with large poster photos of Clark Cable and Marilyn Monroe. Mom’s make up mirror and makeup are on the edge of the bar that divides the living room and kitchen. There are rugs everywhere, tiger striped pillows along with a guitar and a small piano. It is funky, colorful, and has a sense of an organizational mess. The person who put this house together knows exactly what they want. She is messy, but most the time she is at least consciously messy.

The bottom line of what matters here is that her house feels inviting, cozy and loving, even though samall, dusty and crowded. Despite loud trucks unloading their cargo at 5AM when it is still dark, the hum of the 24-hour television, the earplugs hurting my ears, and the small too soft sofa, I sleep well. I guess it is because I am at home. This is Mom’s home and she is the one I have spent most of my life with. She is home to the deepest oldest part of me – the good, the bad, and the ugly – all wrapped up to signify my origin.

 Mom is 89. She runs the show in her apartment. I try desperately to make some space for my things, thus moving some of hers. I don’t think she will notice. She does. I adjust. She drives and lives on Insure and zucchini cakes. She is still very cute and how she looks is still as important as her days as a young teen when she worked in Hollywood theaters as an usher.  She won’t step out the door without her lipstick on. And, I better have mine on too, or I will hear about it.

 What I was not prepared for in any way was her memory or lack thereof.  Yes, she was forgetful last year and repeated stories to me over and over, but the stage at which her dementia had progressed was surprisingly alarming. It took me several days to catch on. I would forget that she forgets. Simple messages about where I was going and when I was coming home were thrown to the wind. When I asked what she would like to eat, I always got the same answer, “Nothing sounds good, but if you make it, I might have some”. After a while I quit asking.

Doctors called and ask that I monitor her medications. While there I caught on that she was taking over 7. I began to wonder if all of her 4 doctors ever talked. Then I would find prescription bottles tucked in her bed – some empty and some half full. When I tried to create order, she would get furious and hurt by my efforts. She felt helpless when reminded of her age, when all the while she is using every bit of her spirit to keep motivated and alive. She is sick, has Crohn’s Disease, and takes 4 Vicodan a day plus sleeping pills, blood thinners, steroids, antiviral meds, and more. She is in pain 24-7. I am terrified to drive with her, yet she drives just fine as long as she stays in her 1-mile radius.

 All of a sudden my Mother is an old person with dementia and she needs more care than ever before. All of a sudden I am the oldest of 4 who is caring for her. Last year she could still get dressed up to go out and sing, which she loves to do and is good at. This year she declines. She even declines a cocktail, which I had to make myself every night just to cope with my confused feelings. She once commented while I was there, “Oh God, I don’t want to grow old and not drink”. All of a sudden, what used to be fun is no longer.

 Don’t get me wrong. My Mom is not someone who is going to go down without a fight. Her ego and vanity are still in full bloom. She dyes her hair flame red, wears big hoop earrings and always looks stylish and adorable. Her big blue eyes are still full of wonder, and her sense of humor is vibrant. She is creative and once wrote a dozen clever children’s songs, which she longs to see published in the world.  She is a character that everyone loves. She is a family treasure for sure. 

There is more to my story of a family in change. My sister, one year younger than I is undergoing Chemotherapy for ovarian cancer. It is stage one, and she is doing great, but even so, there is a shift in how we spend our time together, what we talk about and how we relate.

 Last year, and all the years previous when my siblings and I gathered, we would get dressed up to go out.  With lipstick on and our sexiest clothes we would head to a friends house or to a local bar for Happy Hour. This year Mom and I got dressed up to visit my sister at the hospital while she received Chemo. Mom insisted on driving. As we went out the door, I raced back in and and found myself putting some Vodka and Tonic in my water bottle.  It was, after all, late afternoon. If my friends and customers could see me now. I needed to medicate myself while visiting the medicated. Oh my.

I was terrified to see my sister get chemo. Seriously, I did not think I could handle sitting in the large sterile room with IV’s attached to her. So, I tipped my water bottle containing my secret potion and eased into it.  She is not the only one there. What is happening to our people? I was overwhelmed at the destruction and prayed for help. My prayers were answered as I began to see that this was my opportunity to truly love unconditionally, to be in grace with every moment. I was shocked at my inability at times. Vodka helped.

As I look back I wish I could have laughed at all the insanity, the chaos and loony ness of it all, particularly in me. But, while I was there I just kept acting like the oldest of 4 children, trying to take care and fix as much as I could.

What I finally came to experience and who I came to be was just loving and accepting – sort of. No matter what any of us are doing we always have the choice of how we will “be”. I have come to realize that this is what matters most. Not that “doing” is not important. But, if doing comes with crankiness, anger or resentment, it might be better left undone. No matter if my Mom argues with me about what she said, or screams at me for intruding with her doctors, or my sister has decided to go a route I could never imagine, how I “AM” is what matters.

In retrospect I wish I could have been more fun. I wish I would have listened to my Mom’s stories over and over instead of reminding her that she already told me. I wish I spent more time watching stupid TV shows with her and participated more with movie star gossip. I wish I could have listened to her favorite radio show when she asked me over and over again to join her. I was just too busy it seemed, and honestly so uninterested. I was scared too. Is this where I am going? Oh God.

When I came home my nerves were fractured, and yet I had to show up for a full previously committed schedule for a couple days. I was so emotionally exhausted and ill equipped to respond when asked, “How was your trip? Did you have fun?” I wanted to scream, “NO”. It was not fun. It definitely had high moments, but I had not had time to process the profound “all of a sudden” changes to my life at home yet.  I felt confused and so far from the place of being I knew so well. Where did I go?

Two days after arriving home I finally had the space to go for a walk on one of my favorite beaches. I went early. There were hardly any other souls there. I took a big sigh when absorbing the look and feel of the trees and the vast ocean that lie before me. I approached the waters edge of soft lapping waves in a day dreamy state. The moment the water touched my feet a stream of energy erupted from my being and I began to cry. The cry turned into a sob, a loud sob as I progressed down the beach. Good thing there were no other souls around except the unseen ones who carried me and held me through my mourning.

Clarity came with the cleansing of my nervous system. I was grieving that life as I knew it with my family was “over”. A huge sense of sadness came over me for the loss of what was. I was in deep mourning. I cried and cried with sadness and gratitude all at once. Seriously, we have come so far, my family and me. We had lots of fun and we loved each other dearly. We were fortunate in so many ways. But, the place I have always journeyed to called “home” is different, all of a sudden. Perhaps that is what breaks my heart wide open. We have had such longevity together, and much of it is over. It went so fast.

The cleansing flow of grief gave room for the fear that was buried deep within me. All of a sudden I faced the fact that more loss was just around the corner.

 All of a sudden I am an elder who is facing the loss of my own.

My new challenge, which is really an old one newly recognized, is to stay in Grace with radically changing times. The only way I know how to do that now is to stay very close to my center and “be” in the vastness called God.  

Then when all of a sudden comes again I may not need Vodka.

Congee For Malabsorption

Congee or often-called “Jook”, a Chinese soup, porridge type food.

Malabsorption

 What does malabsorption mean? Whether we are overweight and/or underweight, been through a trauma or crisis, undergone surgery, chemo, or have gastritis or leaky gut…….whatever…..we might not be absorbing our food and supplements, and thus the nutrients we so desperately need……even if we eat healthy foods.

 I recently became enlightened to malabsorption. Here is my story:

About 3 years ago I experienced several traumatic events all at once. Many of us did. For me, it was a surprised forced move from my home of 17 years, dealing with a sick family member, and leaving my community – none of which I chose (on a conscious level anyway). The events caused a huge stress on my body, mind and soul. I lost weight, muscle and inspiration.

 The stress caused a physical state of gastric erosions in my upper stomach, dramatic weight loss and a depressed fatigued state of being. I tried everything to repair and gain weight. I ate like a pig (sorry pig), and pooped like a baby. Of course, I ate good food (meaning  – whole foods including ghee, other good fats, and lots of carb rich plant based foods. I did not consume sugar, coffee, alcohol or anything that might be irritating to my stomach and organs. I grew and made my own aloe, and did all I knew to keep my system alkaline.

 Despite my focused dietary efforts and supplements, gaining weight was not happening easily. I worked with a weight trainer, which resulted in a great mood lifter. Like I said in my previous blog post: “More muscle, more everything.” I began getting my energy back , some new muscle, and felt good. My gastric erosions healed, but something else was keeping me in a less than excellent condition. Being a life long advocate for health, I was at a loss how to fix myself. Many times I wondered if this was just aging and I may feel this way the rest of my life. Arggg, I hated that thought but began to give into it. I kept surrendering, yet not giving up.

I found that there was a way to surrender to the process, and stay true to the vision in the same breath, so to speak. Surrendering was allowing the process to go at its own pace while trusting my inner knowingness to move, act or be still when called for.

During 2022 I also studied with Dr. Zach Bush. He and his team created the “Journey of Intrinsic Health (JOIH)”. I was thrilled Dr. Zach was launching this 6 week course and melted into it. Following the course I signed up for their coaching certification course for the 8 protocols of the JOIH. This is when my entire perspective changed on how I viewed our pursuit for health and how to heal and thrive. There is much more to share of my experience and the offers I will be offering for coaching, but this post is about Congee.

Just at the launch of the 2023 new year, I got the flu (covid) and lost those valuable pounds that I had gained, and felt very weak for a couple of weeks. It was like 3 steps forward and 3 back. “Perhaps this is how it will go from now on”, I wondered.

Right around mid February ,still dragging my behind around, an acupuncturist came to Maui with a quantum biofeedback system called Eductor.  Something in me said, “Go, make an appointment”. So, I did.

Without getting into the weeds of the frequency device, which I found to read me correctly, Naomi, the Acupuncturist, told me that I was not absorbing my food. In reading my chart, she informed me that I was living with a viral overload as well as some inflammation.

 Bingo! I instantly knew she was right as my knowing self lite up. Naomi’s prescribed protocol was to make Congee (also called “Jook) and eat it daily – along with some Chinese herbs to help tonify the organs.

 Following her advice, I purchased the herbal ingredients at our local Dragon’s Den and made my first batch. It was not good. Yuk, actually. I had no idea how much of each of the ingredients I was supposed to use, or much else for that matter. But, I learned. My second batch was better, and they began getting delicious. I could feel the healing benefits in my body within a few days. Congee is easy to absorb, nurturing, nourishing and healthy. There is just something soothing about this porridge.

 After about a week or two of eating a couple of large bowls a day, my stomach stopped hurting after meals. I gained a few pounds, and my elimination became hearty in a good way. I began to perk up like a flower starving for water. Things felt right and my energy began to return. I am still enjoying Congee, keeping my crock-pot brewing a batch every few days. I discovered many variations that pleased my palate and delivered plant diversity, which is so valuable to our digestive process.  It is great for breakfast as it is good to break a fast with.

Now, I am not saying this Congee is a cure all or that it is perfect for you, but instead offering a new food that is known to help with malabsorption and/or is easy to digest for those that are overcoming disease or trauma. Perhaps it is you, or someone you love.

 Congee is super easy make and works perfectly in a crock-pot. It can serve as an entire meal and/or an accompaniment to a meal. My particular recipe included sweet rice and lots of water or vegetable or bone broth in addition to some herbs, veggies, and perhaps some ginger and turmeric. Being the foodie that I am, I created a lot of variations.

 Congee is often used to break a fast for cancer and other recovering patients, and people who are worn down and need nourishing yet may not have the digestive fire and/or capacity enough to digest other foods. It is effective in the way that it nourishes the spleen, kidneys and helps the digestive system to rebalance.

 There are many ways to make Congee. Here is how I make it. 

 Sweet Rice – My acupuncturist stressed the importance of using sweet rice. I could not find sweet white rice, so I used sweet brown rice to begin with. Then I discovered a local Asian store that had the sweet white rice (easier to digest), which I preferred.  

 Thus I began my adventure making all sorts of Congee, differing from what you might find on the Internet, but in alignment with traditional recipes.

 What follows is a list of the herbs, plus the other ingredients. I use a variation of the following ingredients depending on what I have on hand or was in the mood for. That being said, I usually always use the prescribed herbs.

 Herbs (always used these)

Lotus Seeds

Red Dates

Dragon Eyes (dried Longan fruit)

Goji Berries

Shan Yao

 Food

Rice

Ginger

Turmeric

Potatoes/Squash

Various Vegetables

Beans (kidney, black and white)

Garlic

Toppings
Green onions

Ginger

 Recipes also include adding chicken, turkey, fish, mushrooms, etc. depending on your desire and constitution. Of course, all of these ingredients are not intended to be used at once.

 For about a week I enjoyed Congee for 2 to 3 times a day.

  This all might seem complicated at first, it was for me, but it is just so simple now, and I am so happy to have something simple to make in a crock pot and have it ready at the end of the day, or first thing in the morning (setting the pot on low for the night).

How To Cook Congee

Rinse about ½ cup rice and add to at least 6 cups of water. Add the herbs listed below and whatever other foods you want (ginger, garlic, etc.) that take longer to cook. Bring to light boil and slow cook for a couple of hours. It is important to break down the rice. Try to find “white sweet rice”. If you can’t find it, then use any organic white rice.  I love sushi rice.

 My method is to cook the rice and herbs for a long time (3 to 4 hours on a simmer) until they are very soft. If I am adding lentils I soak them first. With the rice and herbs I add the ginger, garlic and turmeric if I am using them all. If using canned beans they can be added toward the end.

Then when the rice and herbs are thoroughly cooked, I add some veggies, and beans. Then in the last hour or so, I add in the veggies of choice. (more about the herbs below)

 How I changed:

Our poop tells out story, but how do we know what it all means? I am going to be blunt. Before Congee I had at lest 4 to 5 bowel movements a day. It was a bit much I thought. Food was going right through me. This is one of the symptoms of malabsorption.

 Within a few days, my eliminations were much more healthy and at a pace of about 2 times a day, which is more like it should be. My stomach also hurt much less.

 Here is a little information about the Chinese Herbs I included in my Congee that I retrieved from the Internet. If you do not have a store in your area, then you can get many of the ingredients online.

Disclaimer: I am neither an herbalist nor an acupuncturist. And, this may not be the best formula for you. It worked well for me, and would most likely be good for all. But, remember. we are all different.

 Shan Yao

It supports the Lung, Spleen and Kidney Qi making it excellent for anyone who is suffering from fatigue or who is generally feeling stressed and depleted. You'll find it in formulas for weak digestion (diarrhea, IBS, Crones) lung disorders (chronic cough, asthma) and formulas to improve reproduction and vitality.

 Lotus Seeds

Lotus contains chemicals that decrease swelling, kill cancer cells and bacteria, reduce blood sugar, help the breakdown of fat, and protect the heart and blood vessels. Chemicals in lotus also seem to protect the skin, liver, and brain.

Lotus seeds contain many bioactive compounds like alkaloid, flavonoids etc. Lotus seeds exert anti‐inflammatory, anti‐cancer, hypoglycemic activity and others. Lotus seeds have beneficial aspects by decreasing the risk of chronic diseases.

 Dragon Eyes (longan fruit dried)

It is often called 'dragon's eye' due to its pale white flesh with a central black seed. However, it is less aromatic and has a hint of musky flavor. From a nutrition standpoint, Longan fruit is a good source of B vitamins and vitamin C. Additionally it contains fair amounts of minerals like phosphorus and copper.

Longan contains a good amount of potassium, which helps control blood pressure. Many nutritionists consider potassium an under-consumed nutrient, with most Americans getting only about half the recommended amount.Sep 9, 2022

 Red Dates – also called Jujubi

 A number of scientific studies have found the jujube to be beneficial for insomnia, enhance mood, general gastrointestinal problems, anti-inflammation, anti-cancer, and blood pressure.

A number of scientific studies have found the jujube to be beneficial for insomnia, enhance mood, general gastrointestinal problems, anti-inflammation, anti-cancer, and blood pressure.

 Goji Berries

I added these because I had them on hand, and noticed that they are in many of the congee recipes.

 More Cooking Info

Beware of Shan Yao

I believe this herb is wonderful, BUT BEWARE, only use a small piece – like the size of a dime. The herb is a dry white stuff kind of like thin cardboard. So, a little chip works fine. It will “thicken” the soup. When I first used it, I did not know how much to use and my soup was really thick and kind of slimy. It tasted OK, but was weird in texture, and it gave me the creeps. Then I learned to use a very small amount. But, it is powerful, so make sure you use enough and don’t be worried if it is slightly thick in a new weird way.

 Add the red dates (4 or 5), and dragon eyes (5 or so). The red dates have a hard seed in them that can be removed when they are cooked and soft. The dragon eyes expand. The lotus seeds are as hard as a rock, and thus take quite a while to cook and soften, so allow time. Before adding them you must break them open and take out the little dried green stem in the middle. It is easy, much like opening a roasted pistachio nut. Then you can throw them into the Congee. They are full of protein, and other good nutrients. Sometimes I soak them overnight so they are ready to put in Congee, but if I forget then they need 3 or 4 hours in the crockpot on high. You can add vegetable or bone broth to give it more liquid if you want.

 There is lots of info on the Internet. I liked this one: https://medericenter.org/resources/blog-dr-su/how-to-prepare-and-enjoy-the-health-benefits-of-congee-chinese-rice-porridge.html?gclid=Cj0KCQiAi8KfBhCuARIsADp-A56U7JPDriX21Ml74EVg-dD6S8pM4arsTVeTkhTQMAiM61D9EVlz_ucaAiQBEALw_wcB